


Finding Twilight

by Doodles_Incognitus



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, First Kiss, Flirting Poorly, Fluff, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Porn With Plot, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn Romance, awkward firsts, rating for eventual smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-07 06:10:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13428477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doodles_Incognitus/pseuds/Doodles_Incognitus
Summary: The Supreme Leader is dead, and in now Kylo Ren must parse out his place in whatever plans that have been laid before him.The Resistance has been burned to the ground, but the remaining members are the phoenix rising from the ashes of near total destruction at the hands of the First Order.Rey is left mentorless and feeling lost in a flood of knowledge she doesn't know how to navigate, save for the instincts that have guided her this far.What will happen, do you think, when the dark and light meet?





	1. Prologue

 

The first time they connect it seems like the world stops. All he can hear is her breathing and his own, shaking at the shock of seeing her there. Then she reaches for a blaster and fires.  
  
Kylo Ren jolts as though he can feel the pain, his hands braced against the med-bay chair, a ragged gasp escaping him. But there’s no blood, no gaping wound in his gut where the bolt would have struck.   
  
When he looks up she’s gone. But no, he can feel her, the scavenger is still near and he bolts from his seat and into the corridor beyond. The Sith skids to a halt at an intersection, a sanitation-bot rolling out of his way, bearings squeaking in its haste.   
  
Brown eyes are searching, darting from potential hiding place to the next when clarity hit him like two tons of steel. Kylo Ren turns and there she is, the Girl who stole his glory on Star-Killer Base.   
  
She looks frightened and angry.  
  
She should be.  
  
“You will bring Skywalker to me,” he commands, arms and powerful will attempting to bend her fiery spirit. She glares back defiantly. Something’s off. His arm slowly falls, and he shakes his head in disbelief, expression credulous “No. You’re not doing this, the effort would kill you.”  
  
The fire in her eyes burns. Why? She’s nobody. An inconsequential nobody from nowhere. But it’s enough to make him turn away if only to see if he truly is still standing on his Supreme Leader’s flagship.  
  
“Can you see my surroundings--”  
  
“You’re gonna pay for what you did.” Her declaration barely phases him. The anger beneath the surface is fascinating more than anything. When Kylo faces her again the scavenger is glaring daggers, a snarl marring her expression.  
  
“I can’t see yours.” She’s panting. Why is she panting? Self-restraint, the answer pops quickly into his mind. The expression, so fierce, so unreasonably fearless. The scavenger from Jakku is itching for a fight and was he there the Knight of Ren would be happy to oblige. But it doesn’t set him off the indignation or anger that he expected in himself. To the contrary, it sends a thrill through him.   
  
“Just _you_.”  


* * *

  
  
The second time they’re connected, Kylo Ren can smell a storm. The clarity of rain and the brininess of the sea crash into his senses, and when he turns around there she is. There’s water dripping from her sodden clothes, brown tresses hanging loose of her unique three-bun hairstyle plastered to the sides of her face and neck. The skin of her neck was raised in gooseflesh he could plainly see. For a fleeting moment, Ren wondered if she was cold.  
  
There’s still anger in her eyes, simmering beneath the surface. There’s a tension between them that wasn’t there last time when Kylo asks what they’re both thinking.   
“Why is the Force connecting us?”  
  
“Treacherous snake!” She shoots back, making his curious expression falter. “You’re too late! I’ve found Skywalker.” She so vehemently hates him it’s distracting. 

 

After a few beats of silence Kylo responds “Did he tell you what happened?” The look of bewilderment is only slightly satisfying. Keep the girl off balance would give him the upper hand. But when she calls him a monster something in Ren shrinks back from her blatant hatred.

  
She thinks he’s a monster. Kylo Ren knows she’s right. He tells her as much before their connections fizzles out.  
  
When she vanishes there’s cool rain water dripping from his brow.  


* * *

  
  
“I’d rather not do this right now.”  
  
Kylo Ren had felt her presence but this time hadn’t tried to force his way through. There was a warmth at his back, like a life-giving sun, and for a moment of selfish weakness, he basked in its warmth. Her voice, warped through their long-reaching and unexplained connection, jolts him from his reverie.  
  
“Yeah,” he responds, voice soft. “Me too.”  
  
A few more beats of silence before she speaks again, voice trembling with emotion, “Why did you kill your father?”, as he turns to face her. The warrior, armor shed and more exposed than he ever wanted anyone in the universe to see, is facing the woman who would kill him completely defenseless. Her gaze darts away, her lips drawn tight in a frown. It takes more restraint than he’s willing to admit not to shrink away from her disgust.  
  
“Can you put a cowl on, o-or something?”  
  
When Ren remains silent the scavenger questions him again, more venom behind her words than he had expected.   
  
“You had a father that loved you, he gave a _damn_ about you! So why-- Why did you--?” Her words are choked off with a sob that makes his throat tighten uncomfortably. Stars, he wished he could resent these damnable feelings, the way she made him feel. The heartbroken expression twisting her elegant features pulls at something deep within him; he wants to make her understand what is so very clear to him, wants her to understand that he had to destroy whatever threads of Ben Solo that were still woven into his psyche.   
  
She couldn’t understand. Of course, she can’t. She knows nothing, and there’s a part of him that never wants her to understand. He wasn’t sure anyone truly could understand.  
  
“Let the past die,” Ren whispers, voice deep and trembling with emotion. There’s confusion in her eyes; a seed of doubt that will not be misplaced. “Kill it if you have to. That’ the only way to become what you were meant to be.”  


* * *

  
It hurts. Why does _this_ hurt? Why do the tear stains on her cheeks make him take a seat, be on her level, be as non-threatening as he possibly can? Why does he want to be closer still? Kylo Ren is uncomfortable. It’s been seemingly an age since he’s had to cope and not ignore, let alone belittle, the suffering of others. But he can feel her pain vividly, although not as if it were his own.   
  
“I have never felt so alone,” she says, her voice rough and brown eyes lifeless. Hopeless. It’s decidedly unfitting. He’d rather see her passion, her rage, her raw anger. He wonders briefly what her smile looks like. But the silence has lasted long enough and, of all things in the entire universe, the heir apparent to Darth Vader wants to offer comfort.  
  
“You’re not alone.” The response is almost automatic. And it’s the honest-to-Stars truth. For whatever reason, the Force has drawn them together. And as unwanted as this unexpected connection was the first time around, now he waited for her visits; an equal pull of eagerness and apprehension at the thought of seeing her and hearing her and feeling her presence.   
  
The scavenger looks up. She holds his stare, the firelight dancing her warm brown eyes, and a thrill runs through him. The way she’s looking at him is almost unsettling, as is the way his heart races. Kylo swallows hard around a lump of hot iron trying to force its way down his throat.   
  
“Neither are you.” Rey’s response, given so simply, makes him tremble where he sits. And he believes her. That’s the part that truly frightens him. They’ve both found a tenuous trust built around whatever bond it is they’ve begun to form in the past few weeks.   
  
He can see her reaching for him and there’s...something...a question? No, more of a request in her gaze. Ren’s tugging his hand free from its black leather glove without a thought in his mind. The trepidation was shared, but the trust was enough to spur them both slowly forward. And the moment their fingers meet--  
  
Incredible energy. The energy between them blossoms, the Force a flower with petals unfolding around the two of them. It shakes Ren to his core, leaves him breathless in the face of this acceptance he had never in a thousand years imagined.   
  
Luke intrudes. The shock shakes them both from their connection, and Kylo Ren is left feeling hollow and alone. His fingers burn where her warmth seeped into his skin.  


* * *

  
Screaming. Her scream is ear piercing. His blood is boiling, but how can he turn on his Master, his Mentor? How can he turn from the Darkside and his dreams of finally being enough to follow the path of his mighty Skywalker line? But the future he had seen, where the darkness surrounded them both and they stood above the rest of the galaxy, was urging him to bide his time for the perfect moment. When Snoke drops her and begins to speak all Ren can hear is the incessant pound of his own heartbeat thundering in his ears.  
  
Manipulated? Was everything they shared designed to trap them here, with this deadly hand dealt? Tears burned his eyes as his rage threatened to boil over, but not yet, that faceless voice whispers to him. No, the time must be perfect, Kylo Ren reminds himself.  
  
“...you must die.”   
  
The words filter through and his darkened eyes shoot up to lock with Rey’s restrained form hovering before him. The cruelest stroke? Indeed.   
  
There’s fear in Rey’s eyes once again. Now it disgusts him. It only strengthens his resolve.   
  
“I know what I have to do,” Kylo Ren says as he stares down to the nobody from Jakku.  
  
Supreme Leader Snoke’s corpse slides from his throne with an undignified thump onto the polished obsidian floor.  


* * *

  
  
The rhythmic pound of booted feet against the ruined ground. The scrape of gritted salt beneath his platoon’s soles as the marched at his heels. Kylo Ren could hear his own heartbeat for the ferocity and rage that ran rampant through him.   
  
He’d find her. _Rey_. He’d promised Skywalker that he would destroy her. He had to be free of whatever these feelings were. She’d poisoned him, somehow, made him weak, made him doubt.   
  
Ren had experienced doubt in his life, but never like this. Never when his future seemed so clearly laid out in front of him.  
  
He could sense their reunion-- the scavenger and the traitor-- when Skywalker held his attention at the gates.  He’d been foolish enough to let his uncle hold him captive. The newly born Supreme Leader could feel the briefest moment of relief, rejoicing, belonging through their Force bond; she was being embraced. The jealousy made him want to lash out.  It left him cold in ways Kylo didn’t want to closely examine. But he was, his blasted unstoppable imagination, as he stalked into the ruined rebel base.   
  
Acrid smog billowed from the smoking crater the battering ram canon left behind filled every empty room. It burned his unmasked eyes. Kylo Ren knelt in a room, ruined with glass shrapnel and dust particles dancing through thin beams of outside light, and took in hand a trinket he was all too familiar with. A pair of golden dice tethered together by a chain. He had distant memories of them dangling in the Falcon’s cockpit.   
  
Then the feeling came again. Like a ripple across the water, it started small until the feeling grew too large to ignore. Dark eyes shot up and there she was, staring back.  
  
Hadn’t his Master-- His former Master-- told them both their connection had only been the result of his power and manipulation? But there she was, staring back at him. He could feel his very soul tremble at the certainty in her stare.  
  
“ _Don't go_ ,” he so desperately wanted to say. _Stars_ , he hoped his thoughts weren’t laid bare to her now. It took every ounce of his willpower not to move from where he was for fear that she would bolt. He just wanted this again, these moments of quiet just between the two of them. Why had she come to him? If she hadn’t come to Snoke’s ship they just could have gone on the way they were. Just quiet moments, two castaways on an island being battered by a storm.  
  
“ _Please_.”  
  
Rey pushed the door control with that same determined expression.   
  
Kylo Ren flinched when the door to the Millennium Falcon slams shut.   



	2. Chapter 2

The twenty-four hours following the death of Snoke made three things startlingly clear.   
  
The first was when Snoke’s influence had fully left Ren’s spirit.   
As if waking from a dream, eyes groggy and mind slowly coming to consciousness, Ben Solo was fully awake for the first time in years. The moment Rey had first spoke his name it began, the chain reaction culminating in Snoke’s death at his hand and his freedom. The oppressive energy that had him strung too tight and weighed down with self-doubt was gone. Looking back, this was the weakness that allowed his former Master to keep him so firmly under his thumb. And while he by no means regretted embracing the dark as he did, it left him fuming to recognize how he had allowed Snoke to exploit that weakness and so thoroughly manipulate him.   
  
The second realization was that while he knew the Force and the raw power he could harness from it he was by no means a Master, and now he had no one to go to for answers, no matter how self-serving they might be.    
Doubts that plagued him as a boy that made him so easily fall to Snoke’s influence were back in full force. The new leader of the First Order, while sure of his purpose and destiny as he had been instructed, was left with questions. Questions that while on the surface were purely academic all had a deeper meaning for Ben. He had truly meant what he had said; let the Jedi and Sith both perish with that past. They served no purpose besides division. Why couldn’t Rey see that? Why must she cling to the blasted Light?   
  
And the third was that Snoke, former Supreme Leader of the first order, had been a liar of the highest caliber.   
When he wasn’t policing his emotions he could feel Rey’s presence. He caught glimpses of her while he meditated, in his space but just out of reach, back turned to him and head bowed over something he couldn’t see. They weren’t searching for this connection. Ben knew this to be true on that basis that she would never leave herself this exposed now that their lines were clearly drawn. He was her enemy now, more than ever. The very thought weighed him down, like a block of solid steel fell into his gut.   
  
And he was hers.   
  
Perhaps it was destiny that had brought them together, and the very Force itself keeping them connected, but in these lonely moments Ben Solo would fade into the background and Kylo Ren would come roaring to the forefront. He would burn it all down, destroy it with his own two hands in he had to, to be free of this pain.   
  
Rey would vanish. Kylo Ren would be alone to stew with his anger.   
  
It went on like this for two weeks. Only occasional glances, nothing as intimate or concrete as they had shared before. Nothing reciprocated. It became easier for Ben Solo to close off his mind and energy when these fleeting connections came, or he would lose himself in despair.   
  
It was utterly exhausting.   
  
The exhaustion had started to show, apparently, as Hux attempted to speak over him at a gathering of the rank and file that had survived the Resistance Cruiser’s jump to lightspeed. It was only mildly irritating, but such grandstanding was not only a waste of time but incredibly presumptuous. The General’s long-winded speech of the First Order’s ordained rule was halted, Hux’s words abruptly cut off by a wheezing choke and pained expression.    
  
He’d stood before the masses, his army to command as he saw fit, with the metaphorical mask of Kylo Ren firmly in place. He wouldn’t waste time waxing poetic about their goals and the bloody path they had already walked thus far. He merely reminded them all, in as few words as possible, that he was taking up his former Master’s mantle.    
  
“We will crush the resistance,” he finally said, voice booming through and bouncing off the polished walls and floors of their destroyer. “That’s what is expected to be said, isn’t it? The same old platitudes that mean nothing and get us even less.” There’s a moment where Kylo Ren casts a baleful glance over his shoulder at the still splutter Hux. “You  _ will _ follow my lead, and I guarantee you that my Grandfather’s legacy will lead this Order down the path of greatness.”   
  
Hux crashed to the floor, greedily gulping down the stale filtered air. The red-headed man gripped his throat and failed to hide his glare. Kylo Ren ignored his insolence as well as the temptation to finish the job. Snoke’s point of twisting the curr’s ambition to his own purpose would make him a valuable, albeit annoying, tool in the future.

  
Now, days later, Kylo Ren stood on the bridge of his command ship, staring into the vast expanse of space. The idling ship’s inner workings hummed with life all around him and damn it all if he couldn’t feel her. Her energy was there, just out of his reach, tendrils of the Force beckoning him closer. He wanted to give in.    
  
Once again he pushed the longing away along with her beckoning energy.   
  
Pushing Rey away was becoming a habit. The first time Kylo had rebuffed their connection all he could feel was the betrayal of Rey's rejection. He’d given up the fragile surety he had in his Master for a chance to rule hand-in-hand; to stay at her side. She’d abandoned him there, in the room where he offered her the galaxy, to run back to that traitor. Ren had retreated to his personal chambers where he could fight his troubling thoughts without intrusion.   
  
Did the traitor who embraced her such familiarity hold her heart? The pilot, perhaps, whose nervous energy danced at the edge of her own from time to time? The thought made his blood boil. And when the rage threatened to overtake him he allowed himself to be consumed. Rays of Kylo’s crimson saber burst violently to life before he punished the nearest wall.   
  
It was days before he felt her energy meeting the fringes of his own again. And days after that, and days and days again and again. Now, whenever Kylo Ren felt her draw near he didn’t feel any anger. Only frustration and longing. The Sith so desperately wanted to allow the connection, and  _ Damnit _  if that wasn’t a weakness in himself that he detested.   
  
He feels the connection waver, ripples of energy sending a chill down his spine. Like a thin rock skipped across a placid lake, the last Jedi's whispered voice reaches his ears gradually, getting louder the closer it comes.    
  
“ _ Ben. _ ”

  
He doesn’t hear the choked gasp he makes. The commanding officers on the bridge, including Armitage Hux, does. He can feel their stares but he can’t care, not when he’s trying not to fall to weakness. Deep brown eyes slowly turn to cautiously look over his shoulder.   
  
She’s not there.  _ Why _ ? Why isn’t she there? He can still feel her, he could hear her, but he can’t see her. Unreasonably distraught, Ren is about to go chasing after her energy as he had the first time. His General, however, steps in his path.   
  
“Supreme Leader.” Kylo can hear his voice but it’s muffled like the red-headed man is wrapped in lambswool. The Sith’s first reaction is to send Hux crashing into the nearest wall, but there’s a moment of hesitation...don’t let them know, don’t show this weakness.    
  
“We are making planet-fall shortly. As I recall, Supreme Leader, you wished to be present when you greeted my--  _ your _ newly inherited army.” There’s the sting of annoyance, a barb that Hux throws around all too easily. Kylo’s stiffens, spine ramrod straight, at the near and undoubtedly purposeful misstep.   
  
“You are so right,” Kylo responds, voice mockingly sing-song. “And as I recall, you are the one in my service. Or are you saying your Supreme Leader is mistaken, General?”   
  
Hux glares back daggers but acquiesces, head bowed as he grits out an apology for his insolence. Ren doesn’t waste his breath acknowledging the act or the man's submission.   
  
“You’ll await my order to make planetfall, General,” Kylo calls back, voice hard like steel. He needed to force their connection and confront the emotions that kept holding his ambitions at bay. He needs to put a stop to this madness before it consumed him.  _ Again _ . 

“Within the hour, if I have my way.”   


* * *

  
  
He kept pushing her away. The rejection hurt, but Rey could understand. She understood the first time Ben had turned his energy from her, and the several times following. Her patience, however, had run plumb dry. Ben Solo would not ignore her. Not when the Force, for whatever bloody reason, kept forcing them together.   
  
_ Kriff _ , Rey wished the moments of connection between them would stop after the Resistance fled Crait. The scavenger felt drained from her failure, drained from leaving Ben behind, drained from the destroyed lightsaber she now always kept close by. But feeling him push her away again and again, especially now that the curtain of rage had been pulled back...it made Rey more determined than ever to Connect.   
  
Ben’s back was to her and the iron wall of his will kept her from making contact. But she could see him, though blurry and distant. She called out, “ _ Ben _ ,” and for the first time in weeks, he turned to find her gaze. His expression was stony, dark eyes cold and red-rimmed. His pained expression made her breath catch in her throat, and by the Stars, she wanted to run. But the connection was interrupted, a shadowy figure stepping between them.   
  
Rey growled out a colorful expletive. Who knows the next time they would be brought together again and the questions she had….they simply couldn’t wait! She had so many questions! The ancient Jedi text was so damn convoluted. Rey was nearly positive that the original author was completely unaware that they were so long-winded, let alone vague about the actual processes of  _ becoming  _ a Jedi. Self-examination, meditation, the value of inaction, the dangers of emotions that  _ weren’t _ compassion...it was all asinine!

 

There was also the simple fact that Rey missed Ben Solo. The private moments they shared, when the very galaxy seems to stop just for them, had brought her through the darkness she faced on  Ahch-To. But he was trying to turn from her. Trying to block her and Rey felt the rejection deep in the pit of her stomach each time.

 

She didn’t know how long just stood alone in her tiny room aboard the Falcon, eyes shut tight to hold her personal demons at bay. But suddenly there was that familiar warmth behind her and the pull of his energy, now so familiar to her. When she opened her eyes he stood before her, those same red-rimmed eyes glassy. The man before her was more haggard than she could ever recall. Twined dark circles under his eyes spoke to just how well he was sleep, which Rey could guess wasn’t at all. He also had a day or two’s worth of whiskers, a thick black stubble that she found oddly appealing.

 

For what felt like several minutes the two simply stared at each other, drinking in the sight of the other after such a long time. Ben looked conflicted, his mouth opening as if to speak, but every time his jaw would snap shut with an audible clack on his teeth and they’d be left in silence once again. 

 

“You don’t know when to quit,” he grumbled finally, a gloved scrubbing irritatedly at his jaw. It was distracting to say the least. Rey still hadn’t come to terms with how they had parted the last time they had been together. Fighting Snoke’s Praetorian guard, back to back, their energies so synchronized that they moved as extensions of one another. She was still angry with him, bloody furious if she was being honest, but the scavenger still felt their separation keenly. Ben was supposed to take  _ her _ hand, not offer his alongside a power that she could not accept and couldn’t fathom wanting. And now it was all so mucked up she worried that the bond couldn’t be reformed.

 

He sighed, a sound that came out rough like a growl, sending a shiver unbidden up her spine.  _ Distracting. _

 

“Neither do you, apparently.” Ben coughs out a harsh laugh at her response, eyes wild for a brief moment. The sound is so unexpected the brunette actually flinches where she stands.

 

“So it seems.” Ben raked his fingers through his messy black tresses, more awkward then Rey could ever recall seeing him. “I was going to tell you to keep your distance. It’d be better for the both us. We’re on two different sides of a war. You’re my--” The vision of Ben falters before her, tired eyes squeezing shut.  When he finally opens them they’re not full of fire or hatred. There’s sadness there, and the loneliness Rey had first seen on Ahch-To.“You’re my enemy now Rey. I should hate you. And I damn well should stop speaking with you, especially like... _ this _ . But...”   
  
“But?” Rey supplied hopefully, taking half a step closer to him. The silence between them is punctuated by the sound of her own heartbeat in her ears.

 

“But I don’t want to,” he admits in an exhalation. She can see his fingers twitch where they're buried in his hair before he decidedly tucks them behind his back. “At the very least not yet. Not until I understand.”   
  
Rey frowns, brows knitting in her confusion. “Understand what, Ben?”, she answers reactively. He takes a deep breath, shoulders rolling and eyes falling closed. Was it really so complicated to explain? How was she to help him understand what he couldn’t explain?    
  
“I offered you everything I could, Rey. I offered you the entire kriffing galaxy.” When his eyes open and lock with hers she’s left breathless by the emotion held at bay. The sadness is gone, but still no hatred; frustration, confusion, pain, even anger, but not hatred. “And you abandoned me--”   
  
“Ben, I--”   
  
“No!”, he cuts in, fisted hands now at his side as he takes his own step closer. “You stole my ruined saber, stole one my transports to fly back to that piece of  _ junk _ freighter Han Solo loved so damn much and ran right back to those worthless rebels!” 

 

Ben’s chest was heaving, face red and eyes wide. Rey remained tight-lipped in the face of his outburst. She waited for more vitriol, more  _ rage,  _ but he instead closed his eyes and bowed his head, breathing deeply through his nose. The silence swelled uncomfortably between them, a bubble ready to burst at the slightest

 

“I came here to put an end to all of this, Rey,” the Supreme Leader begins, his voice gravely with unacknowledged emotion. “That we had to put a stop to whatever all of this,” Kylo gestured vaguely between them, “Whatever it is. But in truth, I have missed this.”

 

There’s more silence yet, still so emotionally charged that it seems to crackle in the atmosphere around them. Ben breathes heavily, looking defeated and about to give his last words before the connection fades, and Rey speaks.   
  
“I have missed this, too.” Ben’s head snaps up, eyes open wide in disbelief as he slowly stands to his full height.  _ Kriff _ it’s easy to forget he stands a full head and a half taller than her but he’s just so damn tall. Even connected only by the Force with who knows how many light years between them she had to tilt her head back to meet his eyes once again. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. His lips were pressed tightly together as though deep in thought. And  _ stars _ why wouldn’t he take his eyes off of her? Why couldn't she take her eyes off of him? 

 

She shakes herself from her train of thought, a nervous smile tugging at her lips. “I mean. You know,” she sighs, shoulders raising with an agitated shrug. “This isn’t how I wanted this,” Rey gestures between them just as Ben had minutes before. “To be. But I have hope that it will work out.”   
  
“Haven’t you gotten over that ridiculous idealization of hope?” Ben growls the response, suddenly frustrated again. Before he can get his hackles up Rey just smiles up at him; a soft ray of sunshine to break through the dark clouds hanging over them.

 

“I have faith in you, Ben Solo.” Kylo takes in a sharp breath, nostrils flared and eyes blazing but lips sealed tight. She was starting to recognize that expression as something, not even the man before she could probably describe. She smiled brighter still, earth-toned eyes sparkling. 

 

“As long as I have that, I’ll never lose hope.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading, and I'll see y'all in the next!


	3. Chapter 3

_“As long as I have that, I’ll never lose hope.”_

 

Ben took an instinctual step forward, to close that infuriating distance between them, but the Force was not so kind. She blinked out of existence and he was again left alone in his chambers. All the warmth vanished with her and Kylo Ren deflated, a sigh shaking out of him.

 

She took his peace of mind with him as well. There was much more behind that peace of mind besides the Force connection they share he’s realising. The sight of her, how she seemed to radiate with every little tug of her lips, the fire she held inside her that burned so brightly it was nearly blindly. What’s worse was his vivid imagination supplying everything not physically present; her scent, the warmth her body radiated when the stood so close, the kriffing weight of her palm at the crux of his hip using him for everage in the battle against the Praetorian Guard.

 

Fuck. They’d been so synchronized. They had flowed and fought effortlessly, back to back, that their sabers felt like extensions of each other. Ren’s over-active and frankly traitorous imagination supplied images of that natural rhythm being applied more...creatively.

 

 _Fuck_.

 

Kylo Ren slammed his door control and stormed to the gymnasium. No better way to rid the heat from his blood than taking it out on training modules.

 

* * *

 

Rey wondered, not for the first time in several days of tireless study, if any of the ancient Jedi knew how full of Bantha dung they were.

 

Endless days of practical physical training left her body weary, but pleasantly so. That sort of bone deep exhaustion that only brought satisfaction of a hard days work and the promise of a hefty pay off. Granted the only past experience the the brunette had with this sensation involved hard hours of scavenging for a lackluster pay-off of half the Portion she was truly owed.

 

Sleepless nights were what truly haunted her. Nights bent low over one of the ancient Jedi texts trying to translate the dead language scrawled across the tome’s stiff yellowed pages. Ultimately she’d give up trying to understand the written words and dissect the crude images. Poses for meditation were speckled throughout a couple of the texts. One of the books was chock full of images of saber forms and even ancient saber construction.

 

Eventually her eye-lids would grow heavy as boulders. Rey would give up her studies, books bookmarked and carefully placed back into a small chest, and find her bed.

 

It had been an odd handful of days and once again Rey was studying as intently as she could; more forms, more feeble attempts at translation, more bookmarking points of interest for potential translation if she could ever catch up with Maz.

 

She picked up the smallest of the tome’s and hopelessly thumbed through it’s tattered pages. She felt drawn to this book tonight, it’s binding a weathered black leather that felt soft against her palm. She flipped page after page and as she nearly flipped to the next a small illustration caught her eye; a humanoid form in a circle. Half the body was dark and framed by light, and the other half mirrored of light framed by darkness. Where the halves met was a core of grey that made her brow furrow She could hear Luke’s voice in the back of her mind whispering ‘ _Balance’._

 

“Some light reading?”  
  
Rey’s eyes shoot up and she resists the urge to snap the book shut at the sudden intrusion. Heat suffused her cheeks and the scavengers eyes narrowed in an accusatory glare.

 

“How long have you been watching me?”

 

His lips quirk into a grin. “Not long,” he replies as he settles on the floor across from her, one leg tucked up to his torso and the other outstretched. It was odd, sitting so casually in what felt like the same space when they were light years away from each other. “I’m surprised. I don’t think I’ve ever caught you off guard like that.”

 

They sit in comfortable silence. The room feels warmer with his dark eyes locked on her. It was Ben who finally broke that companionable silence. “So what had you so distracted?”, he asks, voice rough with a nod to the book in her hands.

 

Rey is about to answer but hesitates before she can bring herself to hold up the ancient tome in her grasp. Her hesitant expression gives her away and before she can get up the gumption to respond Ben is waving her off. “Forget I said--”

 

“No, it’s fine, I just…” Rey trails off, tucking an errant strand of hair behind her ear. She’s deep in thought for a few quiet moments of consideration before she continues. “I want to trust this, to trust you. And for you to trust me.” She huffs with her frustration but Ben doesn’t interrupt, his gaze unwavering. It warms her in a way she truly doesn’t understand. It’s a thrilling as it is frightening.

 

“Can we agree that everything in this space that we share, this... _whatever_ it is the Force is connecting us with...it stays between us? It doesn’t leave this space?” Ben is quiet, still staring at her as if he’s sizing her up. She refuses to look away but the longer he stares the more she feels her skin burn.

 

“Do you think that’s possible? _Really_?” His response makes Rey deflate a little. She frowns, brow knitting, as she tries to muster a response.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe?”  
  
“Maybe?” He echoes, a laugh startled out of him. “How definitive.”

 

“Alright then, smartass, do you?”, she shoots back. Her reply startles another laugh out of him, this one warming Rey to her core.

 

“We’re on two sides of,” he trails off, a breath caught in the back of his throat. Her mind supplies war instantly and the atmosphere between them cools, like a splash of cold water on sunburned skin. “The same coin.”

 

“That’s one way to put it.” He nods solemnly in agreement.

 

“We can’t ignore that. But,” he rakes his digits through his dark tresses, clearly frustrated. “We can agree to keep that out of this space we share?”  


“That, or we ignore each other.”

 

Kylo chuckles darkly. “I honestly don’t think that’s possible, Rey.”

 

After a few moments she sighs, head tilting to rest on her shoulder. “I suppose you’re right.”

They sit in silence once again. The atmosphere between them is charged, energy snapping and wavering as if the living Force between them is disturbed by their conflicting emotions. How could they ignore everything that has happened? Everything happening all around them? Rey still couldn’t understand his motives, not truly anyway. He’d felt abandoned. Rey knew that feeling all to well.

 

“Can’t we try?”, he asks, voice small in the all consuming silence surrounding them. Ben sounds so helpless, so desperate; Rey can feel her heart breaking at the tremor in his voice. “I don’t think whatever this is...it’s not going to end any time soon.” A sigh rattles out of him, swallowing thickly around the nervousness choking him. “And I know I can’t ignore you, Rey.”

 

Bright hazel’s shoot up to lock with his, but his gaze keeps darting nervously from hers. “I never have before. I know I can’t now, not after everything.”

 

Space between them was filled as she shuffled forward on her knees. The slow shift of her roughspun tunic against the polished metal floor of the Millennium Falcon. His deep breathing, even yet halting with nervousness. The flutter of her own heartbeat, speeding as fast as it had the last time they’d been so close.

 

Hesitantly she reached forward, all surety and solidity where he trembled like wind-blown sands. They connected, her palm laid to the back of his hand, and warmth flowed between them. Twin sighs of relief shook them. His wrist twisted and they were palm to palm, his grip carefully tightening. She didn’t resist; no, she followed suit and held him tighter in return.

 

“Selfishness is just greed with a different name,” he warns, lips quirking into a nervous grin. “It’s of the Dark Side, Rey. Is “the Last Jedi” really ok with that?”

 

Perhaps she was supposed to flinch or pull away, turn from him. Maybe Ben was simply giving her a way out. That particular thought made something in her shiver; this impossible man kept putting her first. A quick tug and she closed the gap, a gasp rattling out of him when she pressed her forehead to his. _Stars_ she could see scarlet creeping up his neck and staining his cheeks.

 

“I’ve seen the Dark, Ben.” She smiled, expression impossibly soft. “It doesn’t scare me.”

 

He blinks out of existence before his reply reaches her ears.

 

Rey is left with the cold void of space and a Loth-Cat running wild, all jitters and nerves, running rampant through her mind.

 

The look in his eyes just before he’d vanished...it had sent a thrill through her; a spike of electricity to her core that made warmth run down her spine. There was darkness there, yes, but she most certainly was not afraid of it. On the contrary, Rey wanted to explore the raw desire she’d seen for the split-second before their connection was severed.

 

Should she? Like Kriff she should.

Did she care? Almost surprisingly, after a few seconds of soul-searching, she found she didn’t.

 

The Force brought them together. The same Force that flowed through all things and bound them all together, it had tethered them together; two frayed and damaged halves of some unknown whole.

  
If she had learned _anything_ from these seemingly endless hours of study, she’d learned not to ignore the Will of the Force.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a series of events Kylo comes up with the galaxies shakiest excuse to get off the Order's Flagship.

 

The heat wouldn’t leave his blood. She’d burned him; branded his palm with her fingers and the fire left behind had infected him. Kylo stared down at Snoke’s empty throne as Hux droned on and on behind him. He had tried for days to keep her from his thoughts and had failed miserably.

 

“...and outside of whatever pitiful forces they might have mustered among the outer-rim planets, we have nearly decimated  their pitiful resistance. They’re still running, led by their General.” There was a weighted pause. And Kylo could feel Hux’s thoughts so plainly, Kriff, it was almost embarrassing how unguarded he was. Resentment, resolute faith in the First Order, a level of self-importance that made Ren’s hackles rise. There was something under it all, something untrustworthy and sharp that he was sure would sink into his back someday.

 

“And what are you going to do about that, General Hux?”, Kylo replies cooly, voice positively dripping with casual disdain. He can feel the redhead’s anger flare and it makes Kylo’s lips quirk in a grin.

 

“We aren’t in a position to hunt them down, Re--” he stops short, Kylo’s eyes narrowing in warning. He won’t suffer the man to refer to him so casually again and Hux knows it. “Supreme Leader. The Resistance decimated the bulk of our fleet when their flagship jumped to Hyperspace through our fleet. However,” Hux tucks his hands behind his back, data-pad gripped by black leather gloves. “We certainly have enough forces to wipe out their remaining members, provided we can find them.”

 

He twitches. Find them. Find _Her_. The thought feels like an invisible rope tugging relentlessly at his body and mind. Logically he knows he absolutely cannot simply locate the Resistance and walk away with Rey in tow. Hux would weasel his way around to killing them all, and Rey wouldn’t abandon those people she called friends.

 

“I agree,” Kylo replies, not too hesitantly, and the shift in Hux’s energy is instant and recognizable. He glances over his shoulder to see a comical expression of shock and smugness that he wants to smack off the general’s face. “And I’ll take some time to consider how we go forward. Until then we stay out of their scopes.” Kylo turns on the dias to stare down at Hux with a warning glare. “Have I made myself clear, General Hux?”

The redhead nods, a shit-eating grin spreading across his pale features. Kylo considers tossing him across the room on principle.

 

“Crystal, Supreme Leader.”

* * *

 

 

He catches glimpses of her. Fleeting moments of temptation and he never gets the chance to speak to her, so he stops trying. She’s always involved in something else; training or studying or plotting with his enemies. Kylo Ren catches the last Jedi’s eyes once or twice and it’s all electricity and the bob of her throat as she swallows down a gasp, slightly parted lips as though she wants to speak out. But then she’s gone and he’s left burning.

 

It doesn’t help that the Force connects them at the most inopportune times. When he’s assessing their troops, or in one of the draining meetings with Hux and the admiralty board. Ignoring her is as impossible as he knew it would be, but they’ve learned to keep quiet until their certain of their respective privacy. Nine times outta ten they don’t have that luxury.

 

It’s _maddening_.

 

That wasn’t to mention the fever that has yet to leave his blood. More than once Ren has caught himself staring at the palm of his hand. Lacking discipline he would let his mind wander and it always went right back to her, without fail. That singular thought wouldn’t leave his mind either; Go to Her. Was this the same pull she’d felt when she came to him on The Supremacy?

 

She had come to him.

 

That revelation hits him like a ton of bricks. How hadn’t that crossed his mind once in the past month? Stars, had it really been nearly a _month_ since then? Kylo rakes his fingers through his hair, agitated at his own flighty thoughts. Focus. He needed focus, needed even a modicum of calm, but as had been the vast majority of his life it evade him.

 

Rey had come to him. She hadn’t ignore the call of their connection.

 

Why should he?

 

Mind racing, Kylo tries to piece together a flimsy plan to get to her. An excuse, _any_ excuse he can give to get off this blasted ship and find his way to her, and then...what? Abandon the Order, the Galaxy at his bloody feet, to be at her side? She wouldn’t stay at his as things stood, he knew that much.

 

What was he thinking?

 

He sat at the edge of his bed, face buried in his hands, conflicted emotions tearing through him. Damn, he wanted-- no, _needed_ her. But everything his life had revolved around would fall to pieces. The blood of his father that stained him soul-deep, the death of his mother, the constant struggle to snuff out his uncle, every fucking time that son'uva'bitch Snoke had shocked him into obedience, the seemingly endless hours of soul destroying insomnia...all of it would be in vain. How could he possibly walk away from all of that?

 

 _Warmth_.

 

His eyes shoot up. A shuddering breath gets caught in the back of his throat; a burning lump of iron that he can't swallow down. And she’s there, on her knees before him, face marred by a soft expression of worry. Calm washes over him at the mere sight of her.

 

“I can’t take any of it back.” The words are as broken as he feels, uncertain and shaky. “You know it. I know it.”

 

The silences they share are too weighted. Why won’t she speak? Why won’t she confirm exactly what he already knows?

 

“I’m not worth this, Rey. Not worth any of this effort, I’m a m--”

 

Warm fingertips press to his lips and his words die in his throat. There’s fire in her eyes when he looks up. More silence, damnable _silence,_ but then she calls “I’ll be there in just a moment Leia,” over her shoulder. She’s not alone? But not seen, or she’d look like a lunatic comforting the empty air truly in front of her wherever she was, so that’s--

 

 _Leia_.

 

Emotions crash down on him. An anguished groan rattles through his chest and he’s squeezing his eyes shut. But he’d seen, he’d _felt_ her energy flicker into nothingness, his mother couldn’t possibly have survived that blast.

 

Fingers squeeze his knee and his hand slams on top of hers more forcefully than he intended. She was resolute beneath his palm, solid and steady and by the grace of the Force still there in this moment.

 

“What’s wrong, Ben?”, she whispers and he shakes his bowed head. Relief and grief are at war within him. He’s being torn apart and it’s been so long, too long, that he’s suffered that internal battle. He’s weak when she’s near but she’s there to steady him; a shelter against the storm.

 

“I don’t deserve forgiveness,” he coughs out, throat tightening painfully around a lump of molten steel. “And I sure as hell don’t deserve you.”

 

He feels her hand escape from his grasp and for a heartbreaking moment he thinks she’s turning from him. As much as he deserves it he knows that rejection would make him burn the galaxy to ashes with his rage. But then her hands are framing the harsh angles of his face, and Kriff, they’re warm like sunshine and he melts beneath her touch.

 

“That’s my decision,” she whispers, voice hard like iron. “And you’re right. You’ve done awful things, things that you might not be able to ever make up. But you will not make that choice for me, Ben. It’s mine to make.”

 

A sigh shakes out of him, shoulders trembling and hands rising to cover hers. He is positively buzzing with the energy of their connection.

 

“You’re not alone, Ben.”

 

“Neither are you,” he whispers in return. His face lifts and she’s there before him, mere inches away.

 

The gap begins to close when she vanishes.

 

The Supreme Leader stares blankly at the empty space before him. Energy spent, he falls back onto his too small bed with with a grunt.

 

It takes him all of five minutes to come up with a plan.

* * *

 

 

“You think this is truly the wisest course of action--?”

 

“Are you _doubting_ your leader, Hux?”

 

The general trails behind as Kylo strides down corridor, the sharp sound of their boots echoing off the polished black floors. The general keeps pace, heels clipping with his agitation.

 

“The Order has agents have more than sufficiently skilled to handle this,” Hux replies, his frustration manifesting in growls. “So I must insist on assigning them to this task.”

 

“Request denied,” Ren replies, bored. He’d already conceded taking a small party with him, although the General had been tight-lipped on the details of that particular roster. Kylo would be damned if he’d budge another inch to the sniveling man.

 

“Unless you have ulterior motives, Supreme Leader.” There’s enough weight to Hux’s words that Kylo stops in his tracks. He turns on the conniving redhead, glaring dangerously at the general.

 

“Care to share what you think those are?” Ren growls. Hux poorly masks a smirk.

 

“I’m sure I wouldn’t know, Supreme Leader. But you must realize the head of our organization must be...clear, in all things. You’re resoluteness is the Order’s spine.” Hux leans forward, his gaze pinning him and surprisingly earnest. “Not being transparent in all of your intentions is all well and good, but if the admiralty board doubts then the deep pockets behind our funding will as well.”

 

Kylo considers this for a moment. He probes carefully into Hux’s mind, not nearly forceful enough for the man to realise the intrusion, but enough to see his intentions. His statements are shockingly honest.

 

“If they really start pressing you for answers you can tell them I go to snuff out the last Jedi,” he replies, the lie rolling easily off his tongue. “It’s the first step in stomping those roaches into dust.”

 

The General sighs, frustration written plainly on his face, but he nods with pursed lips. Kylo turns on heel and makes for the transport bay where his personal ship waits, fueled and stocked for a long journey. “As you say, Supreme Leader.”

 

“You’re damn right.”

* * *

 

 

“Yo.”

 

Kylo trips over his own feet at the party of three waiting out of his personal vessel. Arlo Ren, with his fiery shock of messy hair and a shit eating grin, stood alongside Bain Ren and Duana Ren. If Hux was still trailing him he’d be tossing him about like a bloody ragdoll.

 

“It’s our fearless leader!” Arlo beckons him forward, eyes dancing with humor. He always was one to push boundaries and buttons, even if it was a hazard to his own health. Duana steps up behind the fair-haired knight, hands tucked neatly behind her back and expression carefully schooled to neutrality.

 

“Our Supreme Leader now as well, Arlo Ren,” she says, the words chastising. While the youngest of the knights Duana had always been the most disciplined. “You’d do well to remember as much.”

 

“That’s enough, both of you.” Bain grumbles as he tucks his helmet under his arm. His oldest comrade steps forward and companionably slaps his shoulder. “Master Snoke’s kept you from us for kriffing years, Kylo. Thought you’d be dead by now.”

 

“You’d think,” Kylo grumbles back, shouldering past the trio. This entourage certainly wasn’t what he wanted. They couldn’t simply be disposed of or abandoned like a few Stormtroopers. No, they’d be annoyingly present and overly protective. Nannies. Hux had stuck him with a group of fucking nannies.

 

“Lets go. The sooner we start, the sooner this is all over.”

 

The three knights of Ren follow on his heels, Arlo taking up the rear. The redhead stooped and scooped up his pack with one hand, his grin spreading. “Oooh, this is gonna be fun, fun, fun!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope ya'll enjoyed it! Lemme know what you think!!! More coming soonish.


	5. Chapter 5

When Ben had vanished before her eyes Rey panicked.

 

No! He was alone, and he was in such pain, and the connection had fizzled between them just when she thought she was getting somewhere! She kicks the footlocker at the end of her bunk in anger, and damnit it kriffing hurts. She kicks it again for good measure and all she gets in return is more pain.

 

The scavenger paced her room like a caged animal, agitated and snapping and hackles raised, as she tried to find a shred of calm. Why did their connection always fade just when it felt as though they were going to make a breakthrough? She could practically feel the way his heart was slowly turning to the Light a few moments ago.

 

She falters in her pace, booted feet skidding across well worn metal floors. The Light? But Ben was most decidedly not of the Light. In truth, she could never imagine the dark haired, moody man being as straight-laced and disciplined the way the Jedi texts described disciples of the Light. He had Light _in_ him, she could feel it as surely as she could feel the ground beneath her feet, but he was not of the Light. He was not this paragon of serenity the texts of the Light insisted Jedi to be.

 

Pearly teeth hook over her lip. Warmth spreads through, from deep in her core, recalling how the gap between them nearly closed. Ben Solo wasn’t the only one who didn’t fit the very narrow image of a model Jedi Knight.

 

Three taps at her door is all the warning she gets before the portal slides open. Poe Dameron fills the space, calm and more familiar than he had ever been before. She was grateful for the distraction.

 

“The General sent me to make sure ya didn’t fall back into those books,” Poe teases, shoulder rolling to shift the weight of his pack. “Been told we’ve all got to make an appearance for these folks. You especially, madame Jedi.”

 

“I’m not a Jedi,” Rey huffs the reply, but there’s no sting in her rebuke. The Scavenger takes up her staff, and ties the sack with the shattered saber to her belt. That’s not a relic she’ll let far from her sight.

 

“Yeah, well,” Poe takes up her travel pack before she can, nodding over his shoulder for Rey to lead the way. “You’re the closest we’ve got. Sorry about that, by the way.” The pilot gives her a lop-sided, not-in-the-least-sorry sort of grin.

 

“Apology not accepted,” Rey shoots back, hazel eyes sparkling mischievously as she shoulders past his wider frame. Poe Dameron’s laughter trails behind her as she makes for the Falcon’s loading bay.

* * *

 

Green was her favorite color now.

 

Once the color had only ever evoked a very visceral reaction; the stale taste of Portions like mush in her mouth. Now it meant life, vibrant and untamable and utterly beautiful. Takodana  had been wild and overgrown. This place...Naboo? There were endless fields of emerald grasses stretching as far as her eyes could see. Amber mountain ranges broke the endless horizon of green, and crystalline pools of water dappled the countryside. It was breathtaking.

 

Leia had led them to this planet and the welcome they had received had been entirely unexpected. Not only were they greeted with seemingly warm regard, but General Organa was fussed and tutted over as if she were royalty. Beautifully dressed women, their hair intricately woven into the most complicated sculptures she’d ever seen, followed after Leia the moment they had arrived.

 

“You really think this is a good hideout?” Finn was at her side, leaning over and whispering nervously. Rey was thinking along the same lines. There were clear signs of civilization here; a bustling city full of finely dressed people. This wasn’t some planet left to the local flora and fauna like Crait had been, or an abandoned Outer Rim planet like D’Qar.

 

“The General knows what she’s doing,” Poe Dameron replies as he siddles up to her other side, eyes never leaving Leia as she’s touted after by half a dozen people. “Granted we don’t, but we don’t have to know, y’know?”

 

“That’s comforting,” Finn shoots back, and Poe chuckles.

 

“How did Leia ever find this place? These people?” Rey wonders out loud, eyes casting around as the remaining Resistance members file past. Rose is at Finn’s side now, a crutch tucked under one arm. The way Finn offers his arm for support and the engineer takes it without hesitation makes something warm spread through Rey’s chest.

 

“Leia’s contact in Naboo was the only one to return her distress signal from Crait.” Rose supplies. She’s trying to hide her discomfort, it’s plainly written on her face. Finn simply shoulders more of her weight, slowly lifting her off her bad leg all together. “I mean, y’know, they sent it five days too late when we were just trying to find a place to hide in deep-space, but hey, at least they finally got back to us.”

 

Finn bears Rose’s weight and they follow in line with their remaining comrades. That same soul deep warmth spreads to Rey’s face and manifests in a smile that’s equal parts bright and sad. They’d only known each other for a handful of weeks, but watching Finn find others to call family and care for after everything he’d already been through made her heart ache with happiness for the former stormtrooper.

 

A hand companionably slaps her back. Poe is smiling after Finn too, his expression mirroring her own, “Lets not get left behind, yeah?” He follows after the pair before them.

 

Just over a month had passed since she’d left the sands of Jakku behind her, and only a week or so since she’d set that part of her heart aside. But how had this become her life? How had she gone from the orphan girl sold for a fist full of credits, to having a (albeit dysfunctional) family?

 

Then why did her mind still wander away from these people she was learning to call home?  


His scared face, eyes bright and full of hope with dark circles beneath, and his outstretched hand popped unbidden into the forefront of her mind. There was a loneliness in him that terrifyingly mirrored her own; a desperation for belonging. She wondered if Ben Solo, before he’d truly become Kylo Ren, laid awake in bed at night and yearned for the same things she had; a warm home, a loving family, simply someone to talk to. Had Ben Solo ever wondered why he had been born just like she had in the solitude of night?

 

She’d been so alone.

 

“Rey?”  
  
The scavenger's eyes shot up and Finn was waiting up ahead, with Rose on one side and Poe on the other. The former stormtrooper nodded in their direction encouragingly. “Lets go.”

 

She hesitated for a split second, squashing the self doubt and nervousness that bubbled-up inside, before following her friends.

* * *

 

 

“Again,” Rey coughed out as she and Finn reached their third draw. They both bent at the waist, hands on their knees with sweat dripping from their brows, in the middle of the impromptu training gymnasium. Granted it was supposed to be used as ballroom, whatever that was supposed to mean.

 

“When you gonna tell me what’s actually up, huh?” Finn huffed out a laugh. Two winded friends both straightened and faced each other once more, taking their own favored stances. Finn tended to favor his left, body rigid. The First Order’s marital regimes were everything she figured they would be; stiff, solid, and backed by raw power. “We just gonna keep trying to beat the crap outta each other?”

 

“Training,” Rey corrected before he lunged forward. Finn may have considered himself cowardly, but he was most certainly a warrior in his own right. He swung with controlled force, fists loose enough to not do any lasting damage if he connected. She stepped easily out of his reach, forearms taking the blows.

 

“Okay,” Finn replied with another well-placed swing. Rey simply side-stepped the blow altogether. “Training, whatever. But something’s eating at you.”

 

Finn swung again as energy snapped around her. That familiar shift that signaled their connection; the unmistakable thrum of energy through her body as his energy touched hers. Ben stood just out of her periphery as she failed to block Finn’s strike. She stumbled, feet slipping out from under her and backside meeting the polished hardwood floors.

 

“Shit!” Finn’s exclamation didn’t pull her attention away until  he was standing above her. Ben’s stare was intense, but he remained silent, quisical. “You okay? Shit, I’m sorry Rey,” the man hovering above her sounded worried, and when she finally turned her eyes turned to him he wore a downright contrite expression. The brunette offered him a waning smile, nervous energy suddenly coursing through her.

 

“My fault for getting, uh, distracted,” she grunts in reply. When Finn offers his hand she takes it and is hauled to her feet. That must look strange on Ben’s end, Rey thinks absently. She can feel his stare boring into her, twin stars burning hot from millions of miles away.

 

“She won’t be alone,” she hears Ben say, voice cold and hard like steel. That wasn’t directed at her. He wasn’t alone either? That’s just plain inconvenient for them both, she thinks as she adjusts her tunic and tries her best to keep her focus on Finn, and not just past him. Had he purposely circled to be in her line of sight? She felt something hard drop in her stomach; apprehension creeping up her spine like a shiver on a cold night in the Jakku desert. “She’ll be with the bulk of the Resistance as we know it. Her little band of _friends.”_

 

The energy around him shifts, the bubble being rhetorically popped, as another steps up to his side. A spectre stands behind Ben; shadow's swirling in the vague shape of a humanoid. It speaks, a deep warble of sound that is entirely undecipherable, and Rey’s taking a step back. Ben-- no, Kylo Ren, jerks his head to the right, an aborted rejection to the semblance of a person beside him. “No, not we, Bain. You. I’m there for the girl, and the girl alone.”

 

Rey swallows hard, their locked eyes unblinking. “She’s _mine_ ,” Kylo growls out agitated, a finality to the word. She doesn’t bother hiding her confused expression, but her confusion swiftly turns to anger.

“Rey?” She hears her name from Finn and it takes considerable effort to relax. Normal, natural. Calm. Damnit, trying to stay calm as that dark ghost, a pair of voids where she supposed a person's eyes would, hovered at Kylo’s shoulder was next to impossible. It terrified her.

 

“It’s nothing,” she fibs, eyes never leaving the Supreme Leader’s defiantly. When she forces her gaze back to Finn he’s not as impassive as he had been before. No he’s clearly worried, brows knitted a frown tugging the corners of his lips down. “Really, nothing. Lets go get some portions, yeah?”

 

“Yeah,” Finn agrees, exhausted physically and emotionally. Her oldest friend tugs her into a brief hug. He’s warm and welcome; a home and found family where before she’d been all alone. Rey relaxes if his familiar embrace, but--

 

Oh _Kriff_ , she feels his rage. Hazel eyes snap open and he’s tense, expression darker than she’s ever seen. She can tell he’s holding back his words, a denial in his wounded eyes. The shadow at his side seemed to waver beside him as his angry spirit dwarfed any other. She hears him shout an order, “Get Out,” and before she can question if it’s for her the shadow evaporates entirely. Rey gathered at least Kylo was alone now from the way he paced side to side; five steps one way, five steps the other, shoulders hunched and head bent, teeth bared in a grimace of fury.

 

“No one can _touch_ you,” he spoke dangerously soft, his voice rumbling through his chest like distant thunder. “Not that traitor, not anyone. No one can fucking _touch_ \--”

 

“Finn?”, she questions, momentarily so distracted by his outburst that she forgets the man she named is standing between herself and Kylo Ren. “You are having a laugh if you thi--”

 

“You’re freakin’ me out,” Finn breaks in, now looking distinctly uncomfortable. Granted, she had just been talking to no one in particular, so his reaction was miles more rational than her own. “Did you knock your head when I landed one on you?”

 

“You’re my friend,” Rey asks, voice shaking with her effort not to fold beneath his unwarranted judgement. Kylo Ren’s anger simmered closer to the surface at her question, but she pushed on. “Right, Finn?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Finn replied. She got the distinct feeling as his eyes darted between hers that he was looking for signs of concussion and felt a tiny flair of annoyance.

 

“Then let's just forget what just happened for the moment and go get those portions, yeah?” She leveled Kylo with a significant stare even as she companionably looped her arm with Finns. “We’ll have a talk though, don’t you worry about that,” she continued, stare holding unflinchingly with Kylo Ren’s. He was trying to reign himself back. The effort was too little, too late as far as Rey was concerned. No one could touch her? She’d already been sold and bought like a commodity once in her life. No one, man, woman, or otherwise, would ever own her, let alone dictate who she did or did not touch. “We’ll definitely have a talk about this.”

 

“You goin’ all cryptic on me again,” Finn replies with a defeated huff, seemingly none the wiser. They start walking out of the impromptu training room, Finn stopping only to retrieve his gifted leather jacket from the back of a chair. They push out into the hallway of the Amidala estate, Finn teasing, “And how many times I gotta tell you? It’s called Chow, not ‘Portions’!”

 

Kylo Ren doesn’t follow.

* * *

 

 

It’s late. The members of the wounded Resistance have all feasted, a heavy curtain of their loses hanging over them, and toasted their dead. Somber is not necessarily the best word the atmosphere. While everyone else retires to their bunks for the night Rey finds solace in the solitude of an abandoned mansion. She still wasn’t entirely sure how the General had secured the Resistance their temporary hideout, but after weeks in close quarters with a few dozen people on a ship meant to only hold half that she was grateful for the seemingly cavernous space. The abandoned corridors of the estate reminded her of the star-destroyers she would explore and strip back on Jakku. Sounds bounced off the vaulted ceilings and returned to her ears. Moonlight peeked through the floor to ceiling windows as she wandered, tossing her between light and dark.

 

She’s drawn to a pair of double doors, as though an invisible chord is tugging her along. Polished wood with cut panes of glass and a pair of polished brass handles lead out to a courtyard with high walls carpeted in brilliant emerald growth. There’s a pool of water in the center of the hidden garden, it’s mirror-like surface dappled with leafy green pads and water lilies. Fireflies drift about, their bioluminescent bodies pulsing calmly with yellowy light.

 

Ben Solo sits on a stone bench before her, head in hands and shoulders trembling.

 

“What is he to you?” Comes his question. His voice is oddly flat, lacking any of the heat he’d had earlier in the day. When she doesn’t respond his dark eyes find her. “Why is it everytime he touches you I can feel it? Why does he make you-- Why?”

 

His voice is rising, octave by octave, louder until he’s lunging to his feet and shouting his anger. She can feel the incoming loss of control, the inevitable tantrum, and he stands before her red-faced with his rage. “Why him?! Why anyone?! Why am I not fucking good enough?!”

 

“Is that what this is all about? Truly?” He lashes out again at her question, turning his back on her and swinging an arm wildly. She wonders what exactly he sent flying, wherever he was in the galaxy. “Finn is my friend, Ben. It’s my decision who I allow close to me--”

 

“Like _kriff_ it is--”

 

“Hold on,” she cut him off with a single hand raised in warning, expression darkening as her own anger grew. When he made to interrupt her again she closed the distance, growling out “Now you listen to me,” and fisted his tunic with both hands, giving him a firm shake. That had the warrior clamming up, mouth working uselessly. “You get no say in who my friends are or who I allow to touch me. You get no say in any of my personal choices, period. That’s the end of it, Ben Solo.”

 

His hands fly to hers and rip them away, the expression of frustration and betrayal an ugly mask that he wouldn’t take off. “Why should they matter, hm? Why should any of them matter?”

 

“Because they’re the closest thing to a family I’ve got--” Rey begins defensively, but Kylo is stepping back into her space, bearing down on her with a shout.

 

“But why not me?!”

 

There’s thick silence hanging around them, save for Kylo Ren dragging in exerted rasping breaths. His soul bear before her, the rage and indignant all a guise to hide his deep seated insecurity. His hackles were up and he was itching for a fight. “Is this what this is about?”, she asks, voice soft. He cracks under her softer regard, wincing as he flinches a step away. She follows right after, not letting him retreat. “Don’t avoid this Ben, that gets us nowhere. Is that really what this is all about?”

 

“And what if it is?”, he grumbles back, eyes darting anxiously from side to side. He starts rambling, faster and faster, “I thought you knew, thought I’d been clear enough, I thought you understood--”

 

His speech is halted as her hands fist in his tunic once more, but there’s no frustrated and ineffectual tossing him about. No, she tugs firmly, bringing him down, and her lips crash against his.

 

Everything stops. The universe itself comes to a screeching halt. Ben Solo forgets to breathe. Energy explodes between them. His knees go weak with it. A broken sound escapes him, a whimper of pure need, as the Supreme Leader of the First Order fumbles to embrace the lithe body commanding every part of him in this moment.

 

Their mouths are a twin presses of tightly closed lips. When she breaks the kiss she takes in his appearance; eyes slightly unfocused and pale face stained scarlet. Damn, she wanted to kiss him again.

 

Oh. Had she...just kissed Kylo Ren?

 

“Are we on the same page?”, Rey asks, voice husky. Ben nods mutely. His pupils are blown wide, consuming the rich brown hue of his iris’. The scavenger nods and gives his chest a firm slap. “Good.”

 

Rey blinks. Ben vanishes.

 

She immediately collapses on the bench she’d found Ben. With her heart hammering jack-rabbit fast Rey raised a hand to her mouth. Calloused fingers carefully traced over her lower lip. Warmth lingered there.

 

Rey practically ran back to her bunk-mates, face burning, and dove into the relative protection of her sleeping bag. With her found family snoring peacefully around her Rey raised her fingers and pressed them to her lips once more.

 

_Kriff._

  
She’d just _kissed_ Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all enjoying it!!! Thanks for reading :D  
> I appreciate any comments or kudos, they're really wonderful!~  
> See ya next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!! I really hope y'all enjoyed it, please let me know what you think!!! More coming soon(ish).


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